Close your eyes. Picture an image you have of a ‘Jack of all Trades’. What did you see?
In the past, I’d see the silhouette of a capable individual of many talents. A person with an astounding ability to be able to adapt to anything, and to become everything. Someone utterly amazing, too bright to behold.
People would tell me that I was good at sports. They’d say that I had a knack for the arts. Some would even praise me for my incredibly mundane humour whenever I told them about the guys that walked into to a bar. It wasn’t long before I started attributing myself to this idealistic notion I had of the ‘Jack of all Trades’. How could I not?
But unlike my voice, my wisdom started to mature, and as I aged, the illusion finally wore off.
I started doubting the image I had of the ‘Jack of all Trades’. Was it really what I’d thought it to be? It wasn’t long before I realised that my notions of the ‘Jack of all Trades’ were not quite on the mark. It was nothing as grandiose as I’d made it out to be. On the contrary, it was everything I despised about myself.
I would beg my parents for a guitar, only to stop using it after I’d learned a single song. I would buy a Wacom Intuos, only to stop using it after having drawn just a few pairs of eyes. I would start up my own blog, only to stop writing on it before even a year had passed.
I’ve always had this desire to discover the unknown, and so I sought to learn new things and to try them all out. But I was never capable nor invested enough to reach the heights that I’d set out for myself. Things always just kind of fell short.
I’d spend weeks learning the Japanese Hiragana and Katakana, only to stop practicing and learning right when I was just about ready to go even further: to be able to communicate in the language.
Life for me is just this endless cycle of starting everything on a high before slowly pouring less and less of myself into the things that I do.
A Jack of many trades, perhaps I was. But not as one who could do everything, but as one who couldn’t do anything. A Master of None.
Why hello there, thanks for reading this far! I wanted to try posting again, so here I am.
Please don’t take this post to heart. These are but the useless ravings in my head as I sit down on the toilet at the crack of dawn.
I’m just bummed that I can’t read or speak Japanese after all this time… Or write a story… And draw a manga… Or be as good as Asima Kousei at the piano….